Darth Clark Rises

by Jeff Marchiafava on May 07, 2013 at 06:41 AM

Once a year, infamous Game Infarcer editor-in-chief Darth Clark emerges from his secret lair to pen a controversial editorial addressing a problematic aspect of the video game industry that most journalists are too afraid to confront. Darth Clark may not be the editor-in-chief that video game journalism deserves, but he's the editor-in-chief that video game journalism needs right now. Actually, we probably deserve him too.

This year, Darth Clark's letter from the editor tackled the all-too important issue of players enjoying their video games – an antiquated notion that dates back to simple arcade novelties like Pong and Frogger. Darth Clark took modern-day gamers to task for still having fun playing games like Halo 4; not all of our readers appreciated the wake-up call.

Despite the fact that the page with Darth Clark's opinion piece has the word "PARODY" written at the bottom – and that it's included in an April Fools feature called Game Infarcer – a number of readers still wrote in to express their disdain for Darth Clark. Below are some of the replies we received. We've removed the names of the responders to protect the gullible.

Here's the letter that caused the controversy:

Darth Clark Detractors:

When I saw Darth Clark’s “Stop Enjoying You Games” editorial, I thought his picture alone was a heads-up that he is an ignorant young kid. But I gave him a chance and read it. Though I respect his opinions, it came off as a childish rant about how gamers should thank him for “his sacrifices.” He speaks as if he’s above everyone for being a game journalist. News flash, buddy: You’re not. I usually love the pieces in Game Informer, but I have to say that this piece – from someone who apparently deserves my thanks and respect because he’s so much better than everyone else for going to college and learning about games – is absurd. It was his choice to “give up a normal life” to be a game journalist. I’m not going to thank him for that – he’s getting paid; that’s enough. Just because he made a career of it doesn’t make this pious a--hole any better than the rest of us who play games but have other respectable careers.
First off, I’d like to say that I have great respect for the magazine. That being said, relay this to Darth Clark: When I read your article “Stop Enjoying Your Games,” you struck me as a cynical a--hole that feeds off of others’ misfortunes. Of course you’re supposed to enjoy games! I don’t play for my health, a--hole! What kind of d--- tries to make everyone an unloved a--hole like yourself? You know what? Find a hole and die in it.
I was reading the article on "Don't Enjoy Your Games So Much" by Darth Clark. I read the title and thought, "Wow, how stupid." I then read the first three sentences and thought, "Hmm, it can't be that bad." I then read the rest and thought, "Anddddd it's back to being stupid again." I mean honestly, video games are meant for entertainment, not real-life tragedies. And those racist things he mentioned – WHO CARES? It's a video game! Video games are meant to be fun and enjoyable; my favorite thing to do in them is to go and shoot some monsters while talking to my friends. Now think about some New York tragedy! Video games should have nothing to do with modern society. They are meant for fun!

Stop Acting Like A Journalist?:

Okay. So this Darth Clark guy is a real jerk. I'm not angry because he thinks games are more than entertainment now. No, I'm angry because he thinks he's better than us. Seriously man, who do you think you are? Some kind of shepherd that's supposed to guide us towards the games we should play? We play the games we want. So stop trying to make your opinions into facts, because that's what they are: opinions. And if you’re such a talented video game journalist, why not write about real games? If you were good at it, you wouldn't have to make up stupid games and "review" them. Stop acting like a journalist.

A Polite Rebuke:

I just want to say I read what Darth Clark wrote in issue 240; it disturbed me a great bit that Darth Clark thought that Halo 4 was a metaphor for New York draft riots. I mean come on, it's a game. Games are meant for people to have fun, not as weird symbolisms about society. Thank for your time and sorry for complaining, it's just that it disturbed me. Thanks.

A Not-So Polite Commendation:

I just wanted to let you know my feelings on your most recent Game Infarcer. This is not an angry complaint that suggests that my IQ is lower than my shoe size (which is only six, just for reference), but rather, a congratulations. You guys have been doing this segment for years, but this time, you finally managed to turn Darth Clark into the perfect f---face. Whoever did the Darth Clark letter should, in my opinion, get a great reward for their take on that perennial d-----bag.

Laugh Now...:

I thought that Game Infarcer was supposed to be an April Fools segment; the Top 10 Vita Games list seemed pretty accurate.

...Cry Later:

Darth Clark is the biggest simpleton in the gaming industry. How he is allowed to write for the magazine is beyond me. I am referring to his Top 10 Vita Games list. Yeah, we all get it, the Vita doesn't have a ton of games, but how he skipped over Persona 4 and Uncharted is purely bad writing. Dude needs to educate himself before attempting to be funny.

Still Wondering:

Okay, I've been wondering this for a long time. Darth Clark. Is he really the a--hole he appears to be in the parody? Or is it just some sort of publicity thing? If he is a jerk, please punch him in the stomach for me. Thank you.

Try-Hard With A Vengeance:

Have you ever been in a multiplayer match where there is that one guy that relentlessly charges in but keeps getting killed? Then every so often he gets his kill but always ends up on the negative side of the K/D fight? Well, I call these gamers "Try-Hards" and Dark Clark takes the term Try-Hard to a whole new level! He tries so hard to be controversial with his capricious writing style, all the while playing the fool card.
Hey, who gives a crap about your thoughts on how Halo reminds you of the New York Draft Riots of 1863? I guarantee you looked that one up on Google, and didn't learn that in your ITT Techy class. And who cares if you think games are racist and against women's rights? Get used to it, because it's not just in video games, ya d-----bag! I think that necklace is cutting off circulation to that already oxygen-deprived brain!

Not A Fan:

I first would like to say I highly enjoy reading your magazine....91.67% of the time. Each year an issue of disappointment always comes out with the stupid thing you guys like to call "Game Infarcer." Every year I skip the horrible section because not only do I not want to see the moron with the stupid smug look known as "Darth Clark," who needs to be pushed off a cliff into a pit of lava, but because it ruins an otherwise great issue and lowers the respect I have for the magazine as a whole. Why you continue to allow such trash to exist is beyond my imagination. 2nd: I'm disappointed you gave Tomb Raider a 9.25 when it deserved a 10.

What?:

hello i just wanted to respond to darth clark and i have to say he 100% right about what ever that incomptent d-bag is talking about who knows

A Surprise Ayn Rand Reference:

I don’t know if Darth Clark is being ironic or serious with his “Stop Enjoying Your Games” review. I think it’s funny, even though I totally disagree with him. One thing for sure though – he definitely reminds me of Ellsworth Toohey from The Fountainhead. You guys should feature him regularly.

Even We're Confused:

Thank you, Darth, for your invitation to approach video games on a deeper, intellectual level. I am a 44-year old gamer and have organized an independent study to revisit my college major: logic and philosophy. One of the topics I plan to investigate is how video games reveal so much more than just the entertainment they provide. They are a window to our culture and social world (Darth's challenge: "What does this game say about humanity and modern society?"). Also, games like Portal require outside-the-box thinking to solve problems from unexpected perspectives. Sometimes we do need mindless games just to help release our stress from the day, but Darth's article is so relevant to how video games and how we view life can be closely linked.

Coming Up Next: Darth Clark responds to critics on Twitter...

Some Game Infarcer readers didn't stop at sending letters into Feedback this year, and took to Twitter to express their opinions. Luckily, Darth Clark is a technically savvy guy, and was more than happy to respond to his fans and detractors. Below are some of the choice comments he received: