Pokémon Black and White introduced players to a fifth generation of Pokémon, bringing the total number of pocket monsters to just under a billion. With so many Pokémon available, how is a trainer supposed to know which ones are the best? Simple: I'm about to tell you which ones are the best. So grab a pen and some paper – you're going to want to take notes.

I'm obviously a Pokémon expert, as evident by my stunning analysis of some of the new Pokémon in the original Black and White. However, because I have yet to play Version 2, I asked my fellow editor Kyle to give me his picks of the best Generation V Pokémon, so that I might provide my professional assessment of them for your edification. However, it didn't take me long to realize his picks are all horrible, so after analyzing his pathetic lineup, I'm also providing what are obviously the real best Gen V Pokémon. Let the learning begin!

Kyle's Horrendous Picks:

Kyle told me Tepig was his starter Pokémon, so I'm guessing he thinks Pignite is awesome because of his own silly, sentimental attachment. There are two problems with this. First, Oshawott is clearly the best starting Pokémon from B&W (though Tepig is still better than that snooty jerkbag Snivy). Second, why would he pick Pignite and not Emboar? He probably wasn't good enough to evolve his Pignite to its final form. Regardless, Pignite is still pretty good.
Official Pokémon Rating (as decided by me): 5

I already made fun of Watchog in my previous analysis – specifically, I questioned how good of a lookout Watchog can be if he got caught by a trainer in the first place. Especially Kyle! Watchog does look incredibly pissed off, though, so he can probably intimidate weenie Pokémon like Deerling.
Official Pokémon Rating: 4.5

I'm seriously starting to question Kyle's Pokémon-choosing abilities. Herdier isn't even a Pokémon. He's a Scottish Terrier. Guess what happens if you try and make a couple of Scottish Terriers fight each other? You go to jail for dog fighting, that's what. I'm calling the ASPCA, Kyle!
Official Pokémon Rating: N/A
Official Dog Rating: 2

Tirtouga ends up being better than most of Kyle's choices, but I have to wonder: Why do we need another turtle Pokémon when we've already got Squirtle? I get that Tirtouga is a Water/Rock hybrid Pokémon, but it still seems like he's horning in on Squirtle's game, and Squirtle is straight up O.G. – I certainly wouldn't mess with him.
Official Pokémon Rating: 6 (Squirtle's Official Pokémon Rating: 10)

Kyle obviously didn't read my previous Pokémon analysis, because Musharna is another disturbing selection that I already took to task. This is what I wrote previously:

"My God, this Pokémon is still a fetus! What kind of sicko is going to make a fetus fight?" 

Clearly we now have the answer: Kyle is that kind of sicko.
Official Pokémon Rating: 0

Coming Up Next: More lousy picks by Kyle...