The lights are on
Pokémon Black and White introduced players to a fifth generation of Pokémon, bringing the total number of pocket monsters to just under a billion. With so many Pokémon available, how is a trainer supposed to know which ones are the best? Simple: I'm about to tell you which ones are the best. So grab a pen and some paper – you're going to want to take notes.
I'm obviously a Pokémon expert, as evident by my stunning
analysis of some of the new Pokémon in the original Black and White. However,
because I have yet to play Version 2, I asked my fellow editor Kyle to give me
his picks of the best Generation V Pokémon, so that I might provide my
professional assessment of them for your edification. However, it didn't take
me long to realize his picks are all horrible, so after analyzing his pathetic
lineup, I'm also providing what are obviously the real best Gen V Pokémon. Let
the learning begin!
Kyle's Horrendous Picks:
PigniteKyle told me Tepig was his starter Pokémon, so I'm guessing
he thinks Pignite is awesome because of his own silly, sentimental attachment.
There are two problems with this. First, Oshawott is clearly the best starting Pokémon
from B&W (though Tepig is still better than that snooty jerkbag Snivy).
Second, why would he pick Pignite and not Emboar? He probably wasn't good
enough to evolve his Pignite to its final form. Regardless, Pignite
is still pretty good.Official Pokémon Rating
(as decided by me): 5
WatchogI already made fun of Watchog in my previous
analysis – specifically, I questioned how good of a lookout Watchog can be
if he got caught by a trainer in the first place. Especially Kyle! Watchog does
look incredibly pissed off, though, so he can probably intimidate weenie Pokémon
like Deerling.Official Pokémon Rating:
HerdierI'm seriously starting to question Kyle's Pokémon-choosing
abilities. Herdier isn't even a Pokémon. He's a Scottish Terrier. Guess what
happens if you try and make a couple of Scottish Terriers fight each other? You
go to jail for dog fighting, that's what. I'm calling the ASPCA, Kyle!Official Pokémon Rating:
N/AOfficial Dog Rating:
TirtougaTirtouga ends up being better than most of Kyle's choices,
but I have to wonder: Why do we need another turtle Pokémon when we've already
got Squirtle? I get that Tirtouga is a Water/Rock hybrid Pokémon, but it still
seems like he's horning in on Squirtle's game, and Squirtle is straight up O.G.
– I certainly wouldn't mess with him.Official Pokémon Rating:
6 (Squirtle's Official Pokémon Rating: 10)
MusharnaKyle obviously didn't read my previous Pokémon analysis,
because Musharna is another disturbing selection that I already took to task. This
is what I wrote previously:
"My God, this Pokémon is still a fetus! What kind
of sicko is going to make a fetus fight?"
Clearly we now have the answer: Kyle is that kind of sicko.Official Pokémon Rating:
Coming Up Next: More lousy picks by Kyle...
Email the author Jeff Marchiafava, or follow on Google+, Twitter, and Game Informer.
I liked the older pokemon better. They weren't as creative, but they also weren't as 'creative'.
Didn't get past the first page. Does B&W2 not have any new Pokemon? If so...
How can no include Painward it is made out of blades
You forgot Sunflora..!
Well Yamask can control people by putting its mask on their mask. I know this because I actually waste my Saturdays watching the show. So that kinda works out for Kyle.
Yo, GameInformer Editors, Ya want Pok'emon Info, best place for that is Serebii! www.serebii.net/index2.shtml
Ha almost forgot about that first B&W article, thanks for posting the link - I read both and had several laughs
Oh, JeffM. I love all of your expertise articles. Thanks for the laughs!
They hired one of the Cracked staff? Any ways good job
The only one I'm not agreeing with here is Cofagrigus. If trained correctly, makes an amazing tank. Also, any ice pokes suck.
That was funny
That was awesome. Of course, I have a Darmanitan. Ahem.
I agree with all of them except thunderous.
Samurott is a badass, where's Ferrothorn, Excadrill, and Heatmor? (my personal favorites.)
i'm sorry but they all just look god awful and retarded.
Too. Many. Pokémon!!!
if pokemon were real we'd all be dead
go dodo face!!!!
interesting good Pokemon add create good!