A Tokyo Jungle Primer

In a few weeks, the game of the year is going to launch. No, I'm not talking about Borderlands 2, or Black Ops II, or Assassin's Creed III. I'm talking about the upcoming PSN survival action game, Tokyo Jungle. If you're not familiar with the title, prepare yourself for a crash course in crazy as we take a look at what screenshots of Tokyo Jungle tell us about the game.

But First, The Plot:

Tokyo Jungle can be aptly summed up in two words, those words being "totally" and "bonkers." It takes place at an undetermined time in the 21st century after humans have abandoned Earth, leaving behind its cities to the animal kingdom. There are over 50 playable species, ranging from the ferocious lion to the slightly less intimidating Pomeranian. PlayStation CAMP hasn't released a lot of information to western audiences, but the following game screens tell us all we need to know.

Observation: In this first screenshot, we see that the denizens of Tokyo have abandoned their cars in the road. These gazelles seem to favor standing on top of automobiles.
Conclusion: Gazelles are the party animals of Tokyo Jungle, as they obviously enjoy car surfing. They also appear to be ostracizing the deer in the right-hand corner –probably because he's telling them to stop goofing around and forage for food. No one likes a party pooper.

Observation: In this screenshot we see another gazelle, this time being chased across a rooftop by a clan of hyenas.
Conclusion: Well, well, well. Looks like someone should have spent less time car surfing and more time watching out for predators. Next time, listen to the bossy deer.

Observation: Here we see a dog with a fish being confronted by a grizzly bear.
Conclusion: While it may look like these two beasts are about to engage in a fight, the presence of the fish suggests the animals have actually arranged a sophisticated bartering system. Here, the bear is taking up Gandalf's classic "You shall not pass!" stance; odds are he controls the road the dog is traveling on, and is willing to allow passage in exchange for the fish.

Observation: This screenshot features a group of cats striking predatory poses. Also, they're wearing hats.
Conclusion: First of all, where did these cats find cat-sized helmets? And how did they put them on? The only logical conclusion is that cats have evolved into sentient beings. However, their superior intelligence won't save them from the likes of bears and hyenas, hence the hardhats.

Obervation: A feral cat appears to be eating the ribcage of a human being?
Conclusion: Holy crap, I guess cats aren't as wimpy as I thought. And this one isn't even wearing a helmet! I guess we know where all the humans went...

Observation: Amongst the dilapidated streets of Tokyo, a dog stands stoically in an unusual outfit.
Conclusion: I'm pretty sure this dog is wearing the traditional garments of a Japanese wizard. Thus the logical conclusion is that this dog used to be a Japanese wizard. The fact that he's now a dog suggests that he wasn't very good at wizardry.

Observation: In what appears to be a sewer system, a beagle stands on the haunches of another beagle.
Conclusion: Some may think these dogs are about to engage in some hanky panky, but the environment suggests an alternate theory. What are two dogs doing in the sewers? Clearly they must be lost, and the mounting dog is merely attempting to get a better view of their surroundings in hopes of finding a way out.

Observation: Similar to the last picture, a panda is standing on the haunches of another panda. Additionally, a heart appears to be emanating from the submissive panda.
Conclusion: Okay, these pandas are totally doing it.

Coming Up Next: The epic matchups you can expect to see in Tokyo Jungle.

Matchup #1: Cats and Dogs
This one is pretty obvious – without human masters to keep them apart, who wouldn't expect to see cats and dogs fighting? We've already seen how ferocious cats are, so I'm guessing this Pomeranian is in trouble.

Matchup #2: Dogs and Cows
Once again, I have drastically underestimated an animal species in Tokyo Jungle. This pack of Pomeranians is terrorizing that cow – it's like he's being dropped into a pool of piranhas!

Matchup #3: Dogs and Hippos
First a cow, now a hippopotamus! I'm starting to think that Pomeranians are actually the most dangerous species in Tokyo Jungle. I'll never look at them the same way.

Matchup #4: Lions and Dogs
Come on already. Is there any species that dogs won't attack? They may be man's best friend, but they're kind of jerks to everyone else.

Matchup #5: Dogs and Chimpanzees
It looks like a dog has finally met his match. The moral of the story? Don't mess with monkeys.

Matchup #6: Lions and Hyenas
Those hyenas may do well against drunken gazelles, but my money is on the lions.

Matchup #7: Tigers and Wolves
Forget this dumb matchup – obviously the tigers are going to win. What's more important is that we've now seen lions, tigers, and bears. Pit the three species against each other, already!

Matchup #8: Kangaroos and Tigers
What? How did all of these exotic animals get to Tokyo in the first place? Based on the screenshot, it looks like that kangaroo has a wicked left hook, but the dead kangaroo in the foreground suggests the tigers have the upper hand. Then again, maybe the second kangaroo is just sleeping because his buddy's got things under control. At this point, nothing would surprise me.

Matchup #9: Gator and ???
I'm not sure what that other animal is – maybe it's a fox, maybe it's a hyena. Either way, he's fighting an alligator, so he's screwed. This matchup should be called "Gator and the thing that's about to be eaten by a gator."

Matchup #10: Baby Chick and...Velociraptor?!
Why are there dinosaurs in Tokyo?! And why is the baby chick sneaking up on it? Are baby chicks tougher than dinosaurs in Tokyo Jungle? Everything we know is wrong!

Final Conclusion:
Absolutely anything is possible in Tokyo Jungle, which makes it a shoe-in for game of the year. To see Tokyo Jungle in action, check out the trailer.