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Worst Video Game Places To Take A Vacation

Summer is officially here, which means it's time to start planning a vacation. If you're thinking about taking some time off in a video game world, here's a list of places you'll want to avoid visiting.

Look, I get it; video game locations don't exist in the real world, so you can't really visit them. Just suspend your disbelief as I take you on a virtual tour of some of gaming's worst vacation spots, okay? Let's start with the obvious.

Circle of Lust (Dante's Inferno)
You'd have to be a real idiot to consider hell as a vacation destination, but if you're already going there, the circle of lust may seem like your best bet. Let me tell you, it ain't. The scantily-clad temptresses might remind you of Las Vegas – only these seductresses have scorpion tentacles shooting out of their crotches, which I'm pretty sure is outlawed by the state of Nevada.

Lust's main tourist location is Carnal Tower, a giant, phallic spire that serves as Cleopatra's throne. The tower is full of erotic statues and artwork, and making your way to the top of the tower will grant you a visit from the giant, topless pharaoh herself. So far so great – until Cleopatra's nipples turn into serpentine mouths and start puking out spider demon babies, who cut you to ribbons with their creepy scythe arms.

Plus, the temperature in hell totally sucks.

Tuchanka (Mass Effect Series)
The Mass Effect series is full of diverse, imaginative planets to explore, but if you're looking for a fun world for a vacation, don't go to Tuchanka. Wrex's homeworld is basically just a nuked desert, and the bloodthirsty krogan probably wouldn't be amused by your Hawaiian shirt collection or beach umbrella. Then there's Kalros, the universe's biggest thresher maw.

If that's not enough to turn you off to a visit to Tuchanka, check out this official warning from the Mass Effect codex: "TRAVEL ADVISORY: The ecology of Tuchanka is deadly. Nearly every native species engages in some predatory behavior; even the remaining vegetation is carnivorous. Travel beyond guarded areas is strongly discouraged."

Even the plants are deadly! Do yourself a favor and go to the planet that has those sexy blue aliens instead.

Pandora (Borderlands)
Another bad choice for an extraterrestrial vacation, Pandora is a godforsaken dustbowl full of demented creatures aiming to kill you. Sure, gun nuts might appreciate the opportunity to expand their firearm collections, but they'll have to contend with flaming psycho midgets, killer skags (which come in fire-breathing, acid-spewing, and electricity-shooting varieties), and about a dozen different boss monsters that look like vaginas.

Even Pandora's humans are all insane, like Moxxi, who's as homicidal as she is busty, and Dr. Ned, who unleashed a zombie plague upon the planet. The only character that might not kill you is Claptrap, and human/robot relations with him have been dicey ever since he started his robot revolution. You should probably cross Pandora off your list.

Up Next: Some towns and cities you'll want to avoid.

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Comments
  • Well, the borderland seems Cozy enough XD.
  • I'm making arrangements to go to Banoi right now!!!! Hmmmmmmmmm I need to start packing.... "equipment"
  • Skyrim would be bad?
  • What idiot would not want to go to skyrim, or arkham city.
  • I'd love to visit Skyrim and PokeWorld. Catching Pokemon and using them on the inhabitants of Skyrim.
  • Just about every video game land has something disturbing and dangerous going on. If you're not some superhero bestowed with dragon shouting powers and whatnot. Otherwise you just get shot in the knee, or promised nonexistent cake, and eaten by a headcrab.
  • Good stuff, Hangtime! And Dan would feel right at home in the swamp, too, considering he's originally from one... :)
  • If I went to blighttown for vacation I'm pretty sure I could handle it, I mean hell I've spent enough time there already. Bring it on Quelaag, I know you're patterns!

  • Raccoon City is great this time of year.
  • Great list!! Although some of the descriptions are unsettling.
  • I don't know, all of these places seem very relaxing.
  • Hmmm...I don't know Pandora seems like a fun place as long as you have a gun, lots of ammo, and stay away from the Skaags.

    May I add. The reason that Skyrim is on the list is because it is infested with dragons and in the middle of a Civil War. Not saying after the fact when all of wars are over and the Thalmor are finally booted out of Skyrim. It is a great place to be at....until you get too close to that Giant Herd and gets punted 3 miles into the air with a club swing.

  • Worst Summer Camp?  Whispering Rock.  You'll quite literally lose your mind over how boring it is.

  • An entertaining read.  I do like these silly articles.  However I somewhat wish that some of this type of effort would be put into the many PC games GI glosses over.  How about some ARMA 3, Guild Wars 2, or Planet Side 2 info.  I know each one of them released a new video or some sort of info this week.

    I guess that is what I get for favoring the ugly ducking in the gaming industry.  

  • Ya know, another bad spot would be Nazi Germany. That place never gets a break, no matter how many games its in. It's bad enough they had the largest war in history ravage through the place in real life, now to have it engulf the nation about a thousand times in a thousand different games? The place never gets a rest.
  • No Rapture? Scratch that... I wouldn't mind injecting myself for a few quick thrills.
  • HEY! I said Pandora from Borderlands was my NO. 2 spot in my Top 25 vacation spots! And Skyrim would be an amazing place to vacation. But I would never go near Silent Hill. *Shivers*
  • I'd like to check out Himuro Mansion from the Fatal Frame series

  • I would like to go to Silent Hill. It'd be cool to see what my variation of the town would be.
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