Max Payne has had a pretty miserable life, and it doesn't look like his luck will change any time soon. We dream up some humorous disasters awaiting Rockstar's hard-boiled detective, based on some Max Payne 3 screens.

Disaster #1: While showing off his new gun to his partner, things go horribly awry.
"Carl had been talking my ear off about his choice heater for months, so I couldn't wait to introduce him to my new acquaintances: Smith & Wesson. Unfortunately, the trigger's a little sensitive, and my new friends did more than talk. This will come back to bite me during my year-end review."

Disaster #2: A chronic inner-ear infection makes Max tip over at inopportune times.
"Trading lead with punks is tough enough, but every time my ear gets plugged, I eat more floor than a Hoover. Maybe if I look serious on the way down, these mopes will think I'm doing it on purpose..."

Disaster #3: Max's ear infection gets him fired from his new job as a window washer.
"I thought Lady Luck was finally smiling down on me; turns out she was just pursing her lips to spit in my face. I'm pretty good with a squeegee, but even I can't wipe away the shame of losing another job."

Disaster #4: Max suffers a herniated disc due to his constant falling.
"My doc recommended I hole up somewhere until I heal. 'You won't be much use to the law if you can't stay on your feet,' he said. I told him crime doesn't sleep, and a cat can't claw with all four paws unless it's lying on its back."

Disaster #5: Max finally agrees to a much-needed vacation, but his hired driver fails to meet him at the airport.
"I waited for my contact, but like everyone else in my life, he wasn't there when I needed him. If that's not bad enough, my cell phone reception is as spotty as a firehouse mutt. Now I have to carry my own duffle bag like an a--hole."