The lights are on
Max Payne has had a pretty miserable life, and it doesn't
look like his luck will change any time soon. We dream up some humorous
disasters awaiting Rockstar's hard-boiled detective, based on some Max Payne 3
Disaster #1: While showing off his new gun to his partner,
things go horribly awry."Carl had been talking
my ear off about his choice heater for months, so I couldn't wait to introduce
him to my new acquaintances: Smith & Wesson. Unfortunately, the trigger's a
little sensitive, and my new friends did more than talk. This will come back to
bite me during my year-end review."
Disaster #2: A chronic inner-ear infection makes Max tip
over at inopportune times."Trading lead with
punks is tough enough, but every time my ear gets plugged, I eat more floor
than a Hoover. Maybe if I look serious on the way down, these mopes will think
I'm doing it on purpose..."
Disaster #3: Max's ear infection gets him fired from his new
job as a window washer."I thought Lady Luck
was finally smiling down on me; turns out she was just pursing her lips to spit
in my face. I'm pretty good with a squeegee, but even I can't wipe away the
shame of losing another job."
Disaster #4: Max suffers a herniated disc due to his
constant falling."My doc recommended I hole
up somewhere until I heal. 'You won't be much use to the law if you can't stay
on your feet,' he said. I told him crime doesn't sleep, and a cat can't claw
with all four paws unless it's lying on its back."
Disaster #5: Max finally agrees to a much-needed vacation,
but his hired driver fails to meet him at the airport."I waited for my
contact, but like everyone else in my life, he wasn't there when I needed him.
If that's not bad enough, my cell phone reception is as spotty as a firehouse
mutt. Now I have to carry my own duffle bag like an a--hole."
Email the author Jeff Marchiafava, or follow on Google+, Twitter, and Game Informer.
Haha, that was funny.
i need some nice shirts like him
I LOL in the last one, damn funny!
Several people died and he's STILL having a BBQ!? That man has issues...
#4,13, and 14 are the best lol great article
Pretty funny,hoping MP3 fills my summertime void till the fall releases.
he looks like Bryan Cranston with his bald head
Do other video game review sites have articles like this? No they do not, which is why they are inferior.
I can't wait for this game. Tuesday can't come soon enough.
Ever the joker. Max learns and then forgets how to fly, classic...
Man, those chronic ear infections always get me too! can't stay on my feet for the life of me.