The lights are on
Video game characters aren't completely defined by their personalities and dialogue. Sometimes gameplay mechanics also shape our opinion of our favorite (or least favorite) protagonists. Lame gimmicks and bad controls can ruin even the coolest characters. Here are ten characters we started hating as soon as we picked
up the controller.
DeltaGame: BioShock 2Why We Hate Him: What's
more fun than playing as one of the hulking, tank-like Big Daddies of the
original BioShock? How about playing as a far wimpier version that can be taken
down by a few pistol shots from the lamest splicer? Sounds like a horrible
idea, right? But somehow that's the design decision 2K Marin went with: Take one
of the most intimidating characters of modern video games, strip him of all his
power, and...I dunno, add a multiplayer mode.
Name: PrinceGame: Prince of
Persia (1989)Why We Hate Him: The
original Prince of Persia was a remarkable step forward in animation quality. A
remarkable and excruciatingly slow step forward. Prince of Persia's
animation-driven gameplay makes walking, jumping, and sword fighting feel like
it's all taking place under water. And those are the only things you do in the
game, other than dying from one-hit kill booby traps that are impossible to
time. You'd think the prince would move a little faster when trying to jump crotch-first
through those steel cutter traps.
ProtocolWhy We Hate Him: Oh,
Obsidian. Your spy/RPG hybrid was a game we were so looking forward to playing,
but virtually everything about the "finished" product suffers from glaring
flaws. Agent Michael Thorton is at the top of the list, but at least the
developer delivered on its promise to allow the player to shape the protagonist's
personality. Through various dialogue options, you can be a smarmy d*****bag, an
aggressive d*****bag, a no-nonsense, professional d*****bag, or just a
run-of-the-mill d*****bag. No matter how you play your character, Alpha
Protocol's stealth game (which is far more entertaining than going the action
route) is unintentionally comical thanks to a sneaking animation that makes Thorton
look like an arthritic old lady.
Name: Nathan "Rad"
Commando (2009)Why We Hate Him: You'd
think that having a bionic grappling hook arm would be a hard thing to screw up,
but Nathan "Rad" Spencer manages to suck all the fun out of swinging around a
ruined city by dying at the drop of a hat. Fire, water, and radiation all kill
Spencer in a matter of seconds, as do even the wimpiest of enemies. That doesn't
stop Spencer from dispensing groan-worthy taunts at his foes, but the ultimate
joke is on him: His stupid wife got turned into a robot arm – his robot arm!
Have fun explaining that one to the in-laws...
Name: Player TwoGame: Lego
Indiana JonesWhy We Hate Him: It
doesn't really matter who the second player in Lego Indiana Jones chooses – all
that matters is it's not Indiana Jones. Lego Indiana Jones has 82 playable
characters, 81 of which aren't the character we want to play as. Actually, we would
totally play as Han Solo, but we're afraid that having two Harrison Fords in
the same level would cause a rip in the space-time continuum.
Email the author Jeff Marchiafava, or follow on Google+, Twitter, and Game Informer.