The lights are on
As you've probably noticed by now, Top 10 lists are one of the cornerstones of gaming websites. In fact, ICANN, the governing body that manages URLs, requires that all video-game-related sites post at least one (1) Top 10 list each week before they're approved. Applicants are strongly encouraged (but not required) to post a minimum of four photographs of cakes each month, along with six up-skirt photos of plastic anime dolls. Sometimes those lists are hard to write, as this feature will prove.
Here are some of the Top 10 lists that I fully intended on writing and posting this past year. Unfortunately, as great as all of these ideas were, deadlines and breaking news sometimes got in the way. Here are my Top 10 unfinished Top 10s of the year.
Alex Kidd's Top 10 VehiclesAlex's pedicopter and motorcycle are absolutely amazing vehicles. Unfortunately, aside from a boat and pogo stick (both terrible), that's basically the extent of his driving prowess. ***.
The Top 10 Animal AnusesI started working on this list during a particular dark stretch in my life. Okamiden and Costume Quest both provided excellent examples for this hard-hitting look at...you know. Unfortunately, it appears as though The Last Guardian has been cancelled before I could determine if it would earn a spot on the Top 10.
The Top 10 DraculasAside from the vampire in Monster in My Pocket and the Lynx game Dracula: The Undead, there aren't any other versions of the iconic vampire in any other games. It's pretty odd, considering that he seems like a pretty good boss candidate. Come on, video game industry!
The Top 10 LaddersI've always been a big fan of a particular ladder in Rush'n Attack (the leftmost one in the right-hand picture), and the ladder in Charlie's Angels is absolutely unforgettable. I'd already written seven pages for this feature when Game Informer's Ben Reeves took me off the project. That was especially strange, considering that he's not my boss.
Email the author Jeff Cork, or follow on Twitter, Google+, Facebook, and Game Informer.
Bahahaha. This is probably the best Top 10 list in history.
Probably a really good thing that you newver got around to these...
Jeff has made trolling an artform
RAGE was forgotten on the vending machines list. You can shoot them.
MGS 3 ladder anyone??
I love nonsense.
What were you thinking!!!
By any chance your BFF Dan helped ya out with these Jeff?
Jeff, I'm starting to think that you and the GIO video crew should get together and make a show featuring your hard-hitting journalistic/list making skills. I honestly laugh out loud when I read these posts, earning some pretty strange looks from my wife in the process.
I can tell how much work went into this article. Thank you, Mr. Cork for the sleepness nights it took to create this!
Wow. These are very random
jeff cork you are definately amazingly nuts fortunately i'm an overblooder who loved this kind of humor this definately tops your nude painting lol
Amazing. Absolutely amazing. Jeff, you are a genius.
How could you possibly leave off the 5 minute ladder from Metal Gear Solid 3, Jeff!?
Whatta comedian. Keep the laughs coming, Jeff!
P.S. Colin from Twilight Princess? *Shudder*
I think he must have been really exhaused when he came up with some of these ideas. That is why they are fantastic and completely random.
first a top ten list about why top ten lists are likeable and unlikable,then a top ten list of top ten lists that didn't happen... my brain can't take any more.