Take That! Top 10 Video Game Taunts

As if defeating world-ending menaces and nefarious villains weren’t enough, some games just have to add insult to injury. Whether it’s two characters trading barbs or just one making fun of the player directly, this list of taunts covers the best that video game humiliation has to offer.

10. Guile – Street Fighter II

“Go home and be a family man!”

You’ve just lost a bout and (if you were playing in the arcade) your quarter. To top it off, Guile suggests that your fighting was such a complete failure that you may as well just give it up entirely. Maybe get a nice minivan for soccer practice car pools and birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Maybe the computer wouldn’t be so smug if it had to charge the Flash Kick for a few seconds like the rest of us.

9. Unknown Soldier – Forgotten Worlds

“You cannot stop me with paramecium alone!”

The nameless dude from Forgotten Worlds has a lot going for him, like cool shades and the ability to fly. Unfortunately, a truly impressive taunt is not among his assets. Paramecium? Maybe he should graduate to taking on multicellular organisms before he gets too cocky. At the same time, the sheer oddness of the boast makes it memorable and hilarious.

8. Harbinger – Mass Effect 2

“My attacks will tear you apart.”

This taunt is a classic example of a bad guy’s overconfidence being unaffected by the naked reality of a situation. Whenever Harbinger possesses a soldier and says something scary like “You will know pain, Shepard,” the Commander defeats him instantly. Seconds later, however, Harbinger appears again, spouting “My attacks will tear you apart.” Were you not paying attention when you were effortlessly murdered multiple times? Points for perseverance, I guess.

7. Sinistar

“Run, coward!”

Sinistar is absolutely terrifying. Even though he’s from a 1982 arcade game, his digitized voice is enough to give old-school gamers nightmares. The best part is that he has no elaborate endgame. As soon as Sinistar is assembled, he shouts “Beware, I live!” before embarking on his one and only mission: destroying you. As your tiny spaceship frantically swerves to evade him, he also bellows gems like “Run, run, run!” and “I hunger, coward!”

6. SHODAN – System Shock

“Look at you, hacker. A pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?”

SHODAN really knows how to demean you. Playground lesson #1: Pick an attribute that someone has no control over, and then mock them for it. You have glasses? Nerd. Your mom’s a lunch lady? Loser. You’re a human made of meat and bone? Pathetic. Also, she has a point; the odds are definitely in her favor.

On the next page, another malevolent female AI, a Mortal Kombat villain, and a Final Fantasy wizard...

5. Shao Kahn – Mortal Kombat II

“You weak, pathetic fool.”

Shao Kahn is a master tauntician. He’ll often kick off a fight by belittling his opponent, as well as take several breaks mid-combat for the same purpose. However, these displays leave Shao Kahn open to attack, making it easier for players to beat him. This leads to a mind-boggling paradox: If Shao Kahn were to spend less time boasting about his impending victory, would he be more likely to attain it? The world may never know.

4. Tellah – Final Fantasy IV (II on SNES)

“You spoony bard!”

Tellah’s fight against Edward is memorable for a number of reasons. For one, it features one of the Final Fantasy series’ best characters whacking one of the worst with a stick. For another, it features the infamous taunt above. Technically, the phrase makes sense, but in the context of the story (Tellah blames Edward for his daughter’s death), it doesn't feel right. It would be like confronting an evil overlord who slaughtered your whole village and calling him a “big meanie.” Also, no one says “spoony” in real life unless they are making fun of this quote.

3. The Joker – Batman: Arkham Asylum

“I salute my fallen enemy!”

No one should be surprised that The Joker is good about rubbing salt in your wounds. His derisive remarks may be humorous during the main campaign where Batman dies rarely. However, if you’ve tried tackling the game’s difficult challenges, you know that defeat can come quickly and often. Listening to Joker’s ridicule after each failed attempt is be enough to drive gamers mad…or at least instill some self-confidence issues.

2. GLaDOS – Portal

“There was even going to be a party for you. A big party that all your friends were invited to. I invited your best friend, the Companion Cube. Of course, he couldn't come because you murdered him. All your other friends couldn't come, either, because you don't have any other friends because of how unlikable you are.”

Picking just one taunt from GLaDOS is difficult, since she resorts to non-stop antagonism by Portal’s conclusion, which carries into Portal 2 as well. Whether she’s talking about a hypothetical party, making fun of Chell’s weight, or building up to a big parent-related surprise, GLaDOS is relentless and versatile. She experiments with every shade of taunting spectrum, so players never know what to expect.

1. That Stupid Dog – Duck Hunt

(Laugh)

We’ve all been there: You fired all three of your shots, but you didn’t hit any ducks. Is your faithful dog there to lend support in your time of need? No! He’s there to mock your ineptitude and shame you into a better performance. You may be thinking “Look at you! You’re nothing special! You’re just a dog!” You can shout all you want…that dumb dog’s just going to keep on laughing.