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As if defeating world-ending menaces and nefarious villains weren’t enough, some games just have to add insult to injury. Whether it’s two characters trading barbs or just one making fun of the player directly, this list of taunts covers the best that video game humiliation has to offer.
10. Guile – Street Fighter II“Go home and be a family man!”
You’ve just lost a bout and (if you were playing in the arcade) your quarter. To top it off, Guile suggests that your fighting was such a complete failure that you may as well just give it up entirely. Maybe get a nice minivan for soccer practice car pools and birthday parties at Chuck E. Cheese’s. Maybe the computer wouldn’t be so smug if it had to charge the Flash Kick for a few seconds like the rest of us.
9. Unknown Soldier – Forgotten Worlds“You cannot stop me with paramecium alone!”
The nameless dude from Forgotten Worlds has a lot going for him, like cool shades and the ability to fly. Unfortunately, a truly impressive taunt is not among his assets. Paramecium? Maybe he should graduate to taking on multicellular organisms before he gets too cocky. At the same time, the sheer oddness of the boast makes it memorable and hilarious.
8. Harbinger – Mass Effect 2“My attacks will tear you apart.”
This taunt is a classic example of a bad guy’s overconfidence being unaffected by the naked reality of a situation. Whenever Harbinger possesses a soldier and says something scary like “You will know pain, Shepard,” the Commander defeats him instantly. Seconds later, however, Harbinger appears again, spouting “My attacks will tear you apart.” Were you not paying attention when you were effortlessly murdered multiple times? Points for perseverance, I guess.
7. Sinistar“Run, coward!”
Sinistar is absolutely terrifying. Even though he’s from a 1982 arcade
game, his digitized voice is enough to give old-school gamers
nightmares. The best part is that he has no elaborate endgame. As soon
as Sinistar is assembled, he shouts “Beware, I live!” before embarking
on his one and only mission: destroying you. As your tiny spaceship
frantically swerves to evade him, he also bellows gems like “Run, run,
run!” and “I hunger, coward!”
6. SHODAN – System Shock“Look at you, hacker. A pathetic creature of meat and bone, panting and sweating as you run through my corridors. How can you challenge a perfect, immortal machine?”
SHODAN really knows how to demean you. Playground lesson #1: Pick an attribute that someone has no control over, and then mock them for it. You have glasses? Nerd. Your mom’s a lunch lady? Loser. You’re a human made of meat and bone? Pathetic. Also, she has a point; the odds are definitely in her favor.
On the next page, another malevolent female AI, a Mortal Kombat villain, and a Final Fantasy wizard...
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