The lights are on
Gaming history is swollen with publisher feuds, lewd advertising, and stupid slogans. We've collected some of the worst video game slogans to ever flash before gamers' eyes. Some are immediately groan-inducing, while others make you wish you were a fly on the wall at marketing brainstorm sessions. No matter the year, the publisher, or the system, there have always been awful slogans.
When you're Nintendo, simply being Nintendo is usually enough to sell units. However, that's never stopped the company from colorful advertising campaigns.
"Now you're playing with power." - Nintendo Entertainment System
This one is a classic, but the later iterations were just lazy. This is the equivalent of handing in the same class paper for 7th, 8th, and 9th grade, and just changing the date:
"Now you're playing with power - portable power!"- Game Boy
"Now you're playing with power - super power!"- Super Nintendo
"Get N or get out."- Nintendo 64
I thought the in-your-face, too cool for school advertising was a Sega thing. Guess not.
"Touching is good."- Nintendo DS
We understand that communicating your product's key feature - in this case a touch screen - is important, but maybe a slogan that doesn't encourage molestation is preferred.
Sega's slogan legacy would be nothing without Nintendo. This console manufacturer's aggressive advertising technique is as much about boasting as it is bashing the competition.
"Genesis does what Nintendon't."- Sega Genesis
The clever minds at Sega decided to make a contraction out of Nintendo's name to make a slam. Was the sad grammar-based joke worth advertising the competition in their slogan? Probably not.
"Welcome to the next level."- Sega Genesis
As soon as Nintendo made the leap into the 16-bit era Sega had to change its aggressive slogan. This slogan suggests the Genesis is the next best thing, but it felt like a cowardly step backward.
"The more you play it, the harder it gets."- Mega Drive
We don't really know how much can be said about this European Genesis ad that isn't communicated in the picture.
"Up to 6 billion players."- Sega Dreamcast
...but only 12 are playing Dreamcast.
"It's thinking."- Sega Dreamcast
Yes, it was probably thinking about how nobody purchased it.[PageBreak]
While the Commodore 64 and other Amiga consoles may only be a name of fading familiarity to younger gamers, the company's lofty and biting slogans should live on.
"To be this good will take Sega ages."- Amiga CD-32
Sega's boisterous slogan is served back to them with cold brutality. Right next to one of their headquarters, to boot!
"Only Amiga makes it possible."- Amiga Commodore
Amiga can make almost anything possible, except hiring a jingle singer that can memorize two lines. Seriously, she won't stop looking at the lyrics in this terrible 90s video.
While Sony's recent Kevin Butler advertising has been hilarious and awesome, they've got a sketchy track record filled with asinine spelling and creepiness.
"If you want a Saturn, your head must be in Uranus."- PlayStation
Not even the 32-bit era could kill slanderous slogans. We have it on good authority that this Sega Saturn slight was concocted by a five-year old. Don't worry, they're on timeout.
"U R Not E."- PlayStation
They only thing we weren't ready for was a slogan that cannot be read (red?).
"Dude, get your own."- PSP
We were almost certain that this was already Cheez-it's slogan.
"Play B3YOND."- PlayStation 3
How many headaches must be had before this number/letter swapping ends forever? How do you pronounce that? "Play buh-three-yond?" That's the sort of thing a stupid person says. The only thing worse are the associated commercials.
"It only does everything."- PlayStation 3
Except for that one day it did absolutely nothing.
Using the trivial quantification of how many "bits" a game console has is bad enough, but implying that gamers should do math is even worse.
"Do the math."- Atari Jaguar
No, the house of Xbox cannot escape stupid slogans, either.
"Jump in."- Xbox 360
This slogan sounds more appropriate for a McDonald's Play Land ball pit or the box of a kiddie pool.
"You are the controller."- Kinect
This slogan gets the points of the 360's motion control across, but it also sounds like a line from The Lawnmower Man.
Email the author Tim Turi, or follow on Twitter, and Game Informer.