True Survivors: Characters That Should Have Died

While all video game characters are invincible to some degree, these notable everymen have been ripped to shreds in the most unimaginable ways and live to tell the tale. These men have been shot, stabbed, ‘sploded, and left for dead, and yet have somehow managed to get away with barely a scratch – in some cases have even gone on for a sequel. Obviously if these characters we’ve grown to love were to die just past the New Game screen, we’d be at a loss. Still, we like to take a morbid approach in thinking what would have realistically happened early on (medically speaking).

Jack – BioShock
The second that plane nosedived into the Atlantic, Jack should have been a goner. Luckily for him the universe (and a demented yet ingenious man with a golf club) had other plans for him. He was the sole survivor, and narrowly escaped the clutch of hypothermia as he coasted toward a mysterious lighthouse. With this second chance at life, Jack picked up the first unsanitary needle he found and violently jammed it into his arm with no regard for sterilization, putting himself at risk of blood-borne illnesses. However, with a  Splicer breathing down your neck or a Big Daddy on your tail, what’s a man to do? Either way, if a mutated human didn’t kill him, HIV probably would have. To make matters worse, all those cream-filled cakes he looted from corpses for health should have done his tummy a serious disservice. So that heartwarming “good” ending where he grows old and is cared for by the sisters he saved? Impossible.

John Marston – Red Dead Redemption
During a bank robbery gone wrong back in 1908, Marston suffered a serious injury and was left for dead by a certain Bill Williamson (or as I like to call him, Bill Billiamson) and his so-called compadres. This led Marston to be on the straight and narrow until he confronted Williamson as part of an investigation. Marston hoped Williamson would surrender peacefully, but Marston instead caught a bullet in the ribcage. Keep in mind this is the early 1900s and this guy’s suffering from ballistic trauma. His ribs did a great job of protecting his lung, but there’s still a fair amount of blood loss, requiring immediate treatment. The lengthy trek back to MacFarlane’s ranch for aid should have led to some sort of infection around the wound site, high grade fever, and eventually sepsis (a really gross blood infection), which usually means your death warrant has been issued. Luckily for him the lovely ranch hand and untrained medic, Miss Bonnie MacFarlane, came to the rescue with a waist bandage and a smile. He walked off the injury to get back to the frontier and was shot. A lot. However, these gunshot wounds are somehow different and don’t require any direct medical attention. Note: If this were anything like The Oregon Trail he’d be a dead man.

Isaac Clarke – Dead Space
The seemingly indestructible space engineer has been punctured by Necromorph tentacles, diced by heavy aircraft machinery, whipped around, chewed up, and spit out. It’s pretty clear no human would be able to survive such a massacre on the Ishimura. While we guess his RIG suit might’ve been of some help, it was far from foolproof. The suit was of little aid when it came to unsightly dismemberment via dysfunctional doorways. Still, he kept on going. During his terrifying journey on the Ishimura, airborne bacteria from crew member corpses floating around in an enclosed space and lack of proper sanitation should have caused some serious respiratory and gastrointestinal issues that no amount of oxygen stations could remedy. Outrunning mutant aliens with a nasty cough and belly ache would lead to certain doom, still, the high number of freak accidents on the Ishimura from Stasis misuse would be the more likely candidate to sending out beloved Clarke to an early grave.

Cole MacGrath – Infamous
Cole delivered a package for a mysterious customer at the start of Infamous. Bad move. The package contained a weapon that wiped out six Empire City blocks, but Cole lived to see another day. Realistically he should have been blown to bits. In less extreme circumstances, he would have to deal with blast injuries such as pulmonary trauma, hemorrhaging, rupture of the ears and eyes, concussion, brain injury, burns – the list goes on. This doesn’t even include any debris that could’ve been lodged into his body on impact. None of this affected Cole, however, and as a bonus he got electrical super powers out of it! On the downside he was also the city’s most hated man since he was at the center of the explosion. Why didn’t the angry mob think to just dump a bucket of water on him?

Nathan Drake – Uncharted 1, 2
Nathan Drake went from one explosive set piece to the next with nothing more than a limp and a few smart remarks. He can take a bullet or two (or hundreds) and still stick around for a sequel. Even after going through the opening sequence of Uncharted 2, we couldn’t help but think there’s any way he should’ve made it to the next chapter. Drake had a blunt object lodged into his gut and chances are he would have bled out on the train car he found himself on since the only measly pressure he was able to apply was from his hand. Did we mention this train car was also dangling off a cliff? He climbed his way up to a mountain ledge just as the thing was about to drop while nursing an open flesh wound. Drake then found himself traversing a snowy wasteland with a temperature in the negative digits in nothing more than a long-sleeved shirt and jeans. Bam! Hypothermia (and probably frostbite). All of this leads to shivering, muscle mis-coordination, and organ failure, but he was rescued just in time (of course). There are any number of reasons why Drake should’ve kicked the bucket in his last two adventures, but he can thank his lucky stars – and Naughty Dog – for allowing him to see another day.

Any other cases you can think of?