s much as I want to be, I make a pretty lousy pirate. Maybe it’s my aversion to getting scurvy or the fact that I don’t like to be surrounded by large groups of men wearing eye patches. Whatever the reason, I’d be the first one made to walk the plank. But thankfully, there’s a game out there for the half-assed pirates like myself out there: Sid Meier’s Pirates! Notice the exclamation point on the title; that means that there’s extra-bountiful pirate goodness to be found in it. Today I got a chance to sit down with a copy of the game and am happy to report that the game manages to offer up just enough classic gameplay from the Pirates! franchise to keep old school fans happy, while adding just enough new gameplay to draw in those knaves who may not have played any of the older games before. But hey, why listen to me prattle on about Pirates! when my interim ship mate Captain CrapShoes does so much of a better job at it!
The Basics
Hi, I’m Captain CrapShoes. What? Oh, sorry, I don’t talk like your typical pirate. All that “Arrr” and “Ye” stuff is highly stereotypical and only serves to degrade me and my pirate brethren. We have feelings, you know? Anyway, pleasantries aside, I’m here to walk you through Sid Meier’s Pirates!. The life of a pirate is a cruel and harsh one, fraught with countless perils and dangers. Enemies outnumber allies and unless you want to end up in a premature watery grave, you’d best keep your wits about you. But like any other profession, today’s modern pirate has quite a few resources before him to help not only amass a sizable wealth, but also gain quite a bit of fame and notoriety in the process.
When you first start up the game you’ll be tossed onto a ship and given command of a ragtag group of crewmates in the Caribbean. While the world about you is limited in size, there’s plenty to keep busy with. Naturally, the Caribbean is dotted with islands and other areas of interest, most of which house towns, ports, and villages. But remember, this game takes place in the time of pirates, not 1993, so you’ll have to deal with the delicate political and colonial peccadilloes of the era.
Did I say peccadilloes? What I actually meant to say is that you need to try to make an alliance, which is about as difficult as sailing into a town and saying, “Sure, I’ll be on your side.” Four colonial powers are stationed in the Caribbean: the Spanish, Dutch, French, and English. Not surprisingly, most countries hate all the others around them, so each one is looking for you to join their ranks and wipe out the colonies of the other. How you choose to go about choosing a side is up to you; a pirate should never be choosy. Depending on how you decide to ally yourself, you’ll find that towns friendly to your cause may help out by offering you up more shipmates to crew your vessels. Unfriendly towns, however, usually greet you with cannon fire the moment you get within shooting distance of their shores.
A Pirate Ship Is Full Of Seamen
The most basic feature of Pirates! is being able to outfit and pilot a seaworthy vessel. When you start off the game you’re given a fairly quick ship, although it can’t hold many crewmembers and doesn’t sport that many guns. While sailing about the sea you’ll run into other ships. You can either ignore them or, being a good pirate, you can attack them. Ships come in all shapes and sizes, from small canoe-like boats to monstrous galleons. Each ship also comes complete with their own unique strengths and weakness. Galleons, for example, are slow and cumbersome but make up for these weaknesses with a large crew, tons of cargo space, and a staggering amount of cannons. The smaller ships, while less sturdy, have the edge in speed, which makes them a considerable force to be contended with. After engaging a ship you have two options: board it or destroy it. If you choose to board a ship all you have to do is ram your boat into it. After doing so, a small cutscene begins and you’ll go into a pseudo-3D fighting sequence where you have a good bout of sword fighting with the enemy ship’s captain. If you beat him, the ship is yours along with its booty of gold and supplies. You can also choose to either sink the ship or add it to your fleet. If fighting isn’t your cup of tea (and frankly, no pirate should ever drink tea), you can simply destroy the ship by firing cannonballs at it until it explodes and sinks.
Have at you, or something to that effect!
Acquiring an impressive fleet of stolen ships is one of the most enjoyable aspects of Pirates! and actually serves a pretty important purpose. Since your main ship is only capable of carrying so many crew members and supplies, you’ll need to get more ships to increase both numbers. Also, once you’ve gotten a bunch of ships you can pick and choose which ship you want to act as your flagship. Battles are usually one-on-one affairs, so you’ll need to take your best ship into a fight. Since the craft vary so much in size and power, having a diverse selection of vessels available helps to ensure that you have all your bases covered, no matter what the situation.
Scurvy Wenches And Salty Dogs
Floating along in a boat all day is fun enough, but eventually you’ll have to get your crusty pirate butt to land for new crew mates, supplies, and information. Since you’re essentially employing your crew members, you’ll need to have a healthy stockpile of food on hand to keep them from mutinying and leaving you. Most towns have a merchant who specializes in trading goods for gold, so you’ll spend quite a bit of time dealing with him. He also trades in other goods like luxuries, spices, sugar, and guns, so you can always manage to eke out a few more gold doubloons from him because he’s always interesting in buying your wares. Towns also usually have a mayor or governor. These noblemen are tasked with managing their little hamlets as well as handing out promotions to ravishing pirates (ahem, that’s you). If you impress a governor by sinking or taking over a number of enemy ships, he’ll promote your to a worthy military level. This helps to not only gain you fame but also makes it easier to conscript new employs when you’re looking for more crew. Heck, you might even catch the eye of the governor’s ugly, I mean beautiful, daughter. But, I'd delve more into that horrific ordeal later.
Ugh, she's got a face only a pirate could love
Perhaps the most enjoyable part of a town is the local tavern. Here you’ll be able to get the latest gossip from sultry barmaids as well as hire new shipmates for your journeys. You’ll also come across salty dogs who try to sell you various wares, such as pieces of a treasure map. Full of colorful characters and undoubtedly a ripe smell, the tavern is a good place to rest and fill your head with knowledge.
No Pirate Has Two Peg Legs
Despite being a wanted bandit and rapscallion, getting around as a pirate is pretty easy. Pretty much every movement that you take is mapped to the keyboard’s number pad, thanks in part to a handy on-screen display that shows all of the movements and corresponding buttons). Moving left is mapped to 4, moving right is mapped to 6, and so on. For those less than gifted gamers (or just those with only two fingers) you can also use the mouse to point and click your way through the adventure, although it offers up a bit less responsiveness and accuracy. Even fighting is mapped to the number pad and while you don’t have a ton of different moves to pull off (three attacks and one taunt) you have enough to usually make a fool of any enemy you come across.
When not storming ships and grabbing booty (of the gold variety), you can also spend your time taking part in some interesting RTS-style combat. Some towns, usually the unfriendly ones, can be invaded from shore. Engaging the enemy onshore automatically makes the game switch to an overhead view. One side of the board lies your troops while on the other side is stationed the units of your enemy. Your troops are usually broken down into different varieties and each type can only move a certain number of moves in a certain direction (think chess, but with more parrots and body odor). Your objective is to wipe out your enemy combatants and take over the town. While pretty light in terms of actual strategy, the RTS offerings are fun enough to keep things interesting. Although there seems to be some questionable logic in how certain battles turn out (when two opposing units attack each other), this foible is easily overlooked thanks to the battles’ quirky feel.
Tiny pirates love real-time strategy
And Then There’s The Dancing
Pirates shouldn’t dance. It’s just an unspoken law of nature. But, in the dreaded case that you just have to dance like a crazy fool, you can satisfy those sick obsessions of yours. If you choose to take part in some of the optional missions and quests, you’ll undoubtedly take part in quite a bit of wooing of governor’s daughters. Besides being a source of bragging rights, wooing a daughter can also net you valuable information about bounties that up for grabs as well as locations of enemy strongholds and treasure ships. But before those lustful ladies start flapping their lips, you usually have to indulge them in some dancing. Thankfully fancy footwork isn’t the order of the day. Dancing sequences are, surprise, mapped to the number pad and all you have to do is press a corresponding dance move button after one flashes on-screen. If you cut some rug like a pro, the daughter will successfully be wooed and you’ll probably get some handy information. You can continue wooing said daughter for even more secrets, but that usually requires you bringing her expensive gifts and presents.
A Pirates Life…For Me?
OK, if you’re a hardcore Pirates! fan from years past, you’re going to love this game. You’re going to love the ship sailing, the combat, the cheesy movie, and dare I say, the dancing. If you haven’t played a previous Pirates! title, this game will probably give you plenty of fun, too, but at expense of some boredom and some frustration. First of all, while neat, the alliance system has absolutely no logic behind it. Here’s an example of one peculiar scenario. Say I ally myself with the English. They like the fact that I’ve been sinking French ships like there’s no tomorrow. But, they also hate the fact that in the past year I’ve captured three French colonies and sunk the boat that was transporting one of their new governors. Care to take a guess as to what their response is? A promotion! That’s right, after being nothing but a thorn in their side for a year I get a new rank in their navy. It doesn’t make any sense and essentially renders the entire alliance system null and void. Pirates may be without scruples, but at least they have a few marbles rolling around in their heads.
But despite this oddity, Sid Meier’s Pirates! is a pretty enjoyable time. While the story is full of enough cheese to top a pizza, it’s still whimsical and charming in its own special way. Also, the controls are simple and easy to get the hang of, which helps ensure that from the moment you start up the game you be able to start terrorizing and pillaging as quickly as possible. If you’re looking for a top of the line visual experience, Pirates! probably won’t be showing up on your radar, but if you’re looking for a game with character, you can’t go wrong with it.
And now without further ado, check out a bunch of new screens from the game as well as some movies. Do keep in mind, the numbers that appear in the upper lefthand corner of the movies are a result of our PC video capture technology and DO NOT appear in the regular game.