he Fuzion Frenzy franchise has been rightfully dead for six years. It accompanied the launch of the Xbox on November 15, 2001, and died the day after. Why Microsoft decided to resurrect it I’ll never fully understand, but it does serve a purpose. It clearly pinpoints the biggest difference between the original Xbox and Xbox 360; in this generation, Microsoft has eliminated most of the garbage from its first-party lineup. Fuzion Frenzy 2 is a reminder of how far this company has come as a publisher.
If you played the original game, your brain may not allow you to fully believe my next statement. This sequel is light-years worse than its predecessor, which is surprising since this is basically the same game from a design standpoint. Once again, the goal of the game is to battle against three combatants in minigames that are dispersed on different planets. Earn enough points in these games, and you’ll win a planet. The first person to secure the designated number of planets wins the game. Of the 40-plus minigames, I only found myself amused by a few. I wasn’t amused because these games are entertaining, but rather because they are so laughably bad. All of the games range from incredibly boring to nearly broken.
The worst part of Fuzion Frenzy 2 is the announcer. This meathead talks up a storm, but he only has a few lines of dialogue at his disposal. In one match, I heard him say “Was that a lot of damage Player 2?” seven times, and “I’ve never seen a battle this crazy” four times. Mind you, this match only lasted for 49 seconds. He’s like Chris Tucker from The Fifth Element, but twice as annoying.
Even if you are strong enough to stomach the miserable gameplay, excelling at the minigames doesn’t necessarily mean victory. Rather than having skill stand on its own, the game balance is thrown out of whack thanks to multiplier cards that players can earn. If you were to place second in a match, you would earn six points. If you had a six-time multiplier, this point total jumps to 36. Victory usually falls into the hands of the person who has multiplier cards.
The only good that this game serves is that it keeps Fuzion Frenzy’s legacy of being synonymous with “bad game” alive for another generation. Even if Microsoft offers it as a five dollar download on Xbox Live Arcade, pass on it – unless, of course, you collect Worst Games of the Year.