magine that you’ve worked hard and saved for years, and finally bought the luxury sports car of your dreams. You open the door and get in for the first time, carefully adjust the mirrors, program the radio and then, once you’re comfortable, take a giant dump on the seat.

That’s essentially what you’re doing if you spend the money on a fancy new PS3 and choose this as your launch game of choice. Mobile Suit Gundam is an abominable demon that has taken the form of a Blu-ray disc in the hopes of corrupting unsuspecting souls.

Even if you’re a huge fan of the Gundam franchise, you’ll be disgusted with this title. It’s ugly, plays like crap, and is about as user-unfriendly as it gets. It’s the Roseanne Barr of games. Forget the CG trailers you may have seen – next-gen this ain’t. Gameplay doesn’t respond any better than an early PS2 game, and the menu screens (of which there are a lot) are straight out of the PSone days. I’m not kidding. Even if the game weren’t hideous, the gameplay is so horrible that I was tempted to declare this game a witch and have it burned. The sluggish gameplay alternates between frustrating and boring. The lock-on feature only occasionally works, and the framerate drops whenever there’s more than two things on screen, or something really graphically intensive – like a tree.

I have nothing positive to say about this game. I even hate the menu screen. Perhaps the best thing I can come up with is that this miserable piece of trash is so awful that it’s destined to be the worst-selling game of the PS3 launch. So maybe in 20 years, it will be rare and valuable, because people will have forgotten how truly terrible Mobile Suit Gundam: Crossfire really is.