ust the thought of watching the Catwoman movie makes me vomit a little in my mouth. The idea of playing the game that is based on this waste of film is the equivalent to dunking my head into the world’s dirtiest toilet and gargling. After spending two complete days with this killer app (killer as in you’ll die a little inside each time you play it), I can safely say that I’ve experienced horrors that your mind can’t even begin to comprehend.

With gameplay that should be buried in a litter box and flung into the farthest reaches of space, Catwoman shows no mercy as it tears your soul to shreds. As big of an abomination as it is, the production values that EA put into this game are surprisingly high, and the visual presentation is quite the eye-opener. The frisky feline’s character model is meticulously detailed, and her acrobatic maneuvers are brought to life with silky smooth animations that are a thrill to watch. Much like the Prince of Persia series, Catwoman’s platforming segments demand precision on the player’s part. Flipping around poles, scaling fencing, and whip-swinging are all done very well, but one ill-timed button press or movement can send you tumbling to the bottom of a towering vertical stage. This is where the game really starts to get on your nerves. One little slip up transforms into a lengthy sequence of repeating actions.

Sadly, the platforming is where this title excels the most. The remainder of the game is like watching a train wreck, only to realize that you are on the train. The analog-based fighting system is incredibly clunky, and the easiest way to defeat a foe is to simply knock them into a box, locker, or trash bin. As it turns out, these objects are everywhere! Even on the dance floor! As if it could get any worse, you can also pose seductively to entrance your attackers. Groan.

In short, playing this epic-sized monstrosity is similar to being scratched to death by a house cat…not only is it painful, it’s also embarrassing.