f you’re a child of the ‘80s, those words should mean something to you. Despite drastic character redesigns, altered story elements, and the absence of a certain VW bug, the Transformers game is stuffed full of fan service to long-time enthusiasts. It’s also an exciting, wild ride of explosions, falling buildings, and cars tumbling end-over-end through the air. But, behind all the noise and confusion, it’s a shallow, short, and simplistic game.

One of the coolest aspects of this video game treatment of the beloved toy line is the ability to choose a side and carry it to victory. Like those massive toy wars you used to fight in your basement, you’ll have access to several characters from both sides of the conflict, from a roaring jet like Starscream to a modernized Bumblebee in the form of a speeding Camaro. Every one of the characters you play can transform at will (for some reason, labeled “convert” in the onscreen instructions), and this functionality is well utilized as missions move between speed-oriented vehicle sections to battles more suited to the robot forms.

The character designs, their transformations, and the way they look while attacking are all sights to behold. The remarkable amount of detail will sometimes have you rotating the camera around just to get a better look. Even the drones that serve as cannon fodder look great; the game designers deserve a special nod for including a certain beloved Generation 1 character not seen in the movie.

The degree of destruction is positively out of control throughout the game. Few and far between are the moments that don’t have a burning building, a bus flying through the air, or a power station exploding with a titanic crash. Tiny, antlike humans flee wildly underneath these giant metal warriors, and foolish motorists just don’t seem to get the message that the intersections in which you’re fighting should really be detoured around. Instead, dozens of vehicles, trees, lampposts, and rubble all act as interactive weapons to fling at your foes. It’s a profound level of chaos.

The extent of the carnage is hiding something – shoddy combat. The amazing ranged weaponry these alien robots wield is effectively neutered in every situation that matters, thanks to instantaneous energy shields that pop up on most enemies. The melee attacks certainly look cool, but it’s basically a single button getting mashed with little variety built in. A horrible camera shake has been added as you lumber around, apparently to accentuate how big and powerful these guys are. Instead, the effect is mostly headache inducing, and makes it hard to see what’s going on in the more heated battles. Driving missions are loose and unwieldy, flight missions are constrained by a fixed altitude, and everything screams out a moronic level of simplicity.

In the end, Transformers delivers over-the-top action with wild abandon, and leaves most of the more complex elements of good gameplay behind coughing from the dust kicked up by a giant transforming war machine. While each campaign will only last a few hours, it’s fun if you can overlook how mindlessly you’re slamming those buttons. But, if you’re one of those strange unfortunates who have never understood the appeal of gargantuan robots that turn into tanks and tractor trailers, this game certainly isn’t going to transform you into a believer.